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What Women Look For In A Man

What women look for in a man
What women look for in a man

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to discuss the controversial topic of what women look for in a man, particularly now that women are becoming more successful and independent.

First a quick update:

“America’s decline – morality & celebrities”
“This country is in a mess…it is going down the tubes. People are lost…People are giving up” says media personality, journalist and show host, May Lee. She says Americans could learn a lot from the Asian work ethic and morality. Listen to the interview I gave to May Lee about the breakdown in morality and the rewarding of bad celebrity behavior: New York Governor Elliot Spitzer was exposed in a prostitution scandal and he later went on to host a show on CNN; Ashley Alexandra Dupré – prostitute to Spitzer was rewarded with a column in the New York Post and Lindsay Lohan continues to be celebrated despite being sentenced to jail five times in four years. Read more here.

“New Year Resolutions that work”
Read my tips and quotes in the MSN article by Brienne Walsh

Now, let’s talk about the controversial topic of what women look for in a man, particularly now that women are becoming more successful and independent.

OWN is Oprah’s new cable TV outlet. In a recent discussion of programming needs, OWN executives stated that they were looking for “FEMALE driven stories where women are taking on what are received as men’s roles/worlds.” And that is exactly what is happening today as more and more women are becoming empowered and successful – they are taking on traditionally male roles.

In 2005, CBS news interviewed me to discuss the new woman, “The Millennium Woman” and her impact on men. A study of 1,000 women across the US, revealed that there are two key types of women: the Nouveau woman -the “Sex and the City” type, who creates equal partnerships with men and demands “me” time and the Neotraditionalist that prefers traditional gender roles, motherhood and “we” time. The Neotraditionalist is primarily about family and friends.

Based on the findings of the study, the new woman is confident, self-indulgent, highly concerned about her health and beauty and would be happy to be on her own without a life partner. (Read more in my article “When she just doesn’t get it” and watch the TV interview I gave to CBS news here.

However, women have become even more powerful in the seven years since that study. In my article “Women are taking over”, I reveal that:

  • There are more women in the US workforce than men
  • More women are attending and graduating college than men (in the US, UK and Australia)
  • Churches are opening up to allow women to lead, preach and teach as ministers, pastors and reverends
  • Women are becoming a greater force in politics
  • Men are progressively being viewed as unnecessary as more women opt to raise children without a father
  • Men are being portrayed in television shows and sitcoms as buffoons, simpletons and weak, helpless idiots who cannot survive without the wife who is smarter, more grounded and the boss. (Read my article “How stupid are men”
  • The modern woman is being idealized as the independent, free, successful, sexually open woman who seeks a purpose greater than serving a man and;
  • Women account for 85% of all consumer purchases

So where does that leave men? If women are becoming so powerful and independent, what do women look for in a man today?

Recently, a new client came to me complaining that her relationship broke up because her boyfriend couldn’t handle the fact that she is much more successful than he is. In her late thirties, she has three homes and a thriving business. She hadn’t realized that men are threatened and often feel emasculated by a woman that is more powerful financially.

In an interview I gave to – a site for college women – many female readers were angered by the fact that I stated that men are intimidated by successful women; I encouraged successful women to still be feminine, to understand that men need to feel needed, and to allow them to lead occasionally. Read the article, my quotes and my response to readers here.

Accordingly, if women are successful with a strong career and financially independent, what does a man have to offer a woman? What can he give her that she doesn’t have?

There are still women who seek the traditional male – the provider; there are still women who look for a man to take care of them financially, to offer security, but, as women get older, and after failed relationships and marriages where the man did provide financially but lacked in other areas, women’s priorities change and they seek to ensure that their emotional needs are also met.

My book, “What a woman wants” focuses on making over men to become more appealing and attractive to women; it is ultimately a phenomenal dating book with extraordinary advice but, it also contains some real wisdom for relationships, and answers the question “what can a man give a woman who already has financial security?”:

“Ultimately, a woman wants her man to make her feel special. She wants to experience love and ecstasy with him. She wants him to listen, pay attention to her, and be with her. She wants him to be understanding and empathetic of her feelings. When she makes a mistake or faces challenges, she wants understanding from her man, not loads of advice. She wants him to hold and cherish her and tell and show her that she is the one. Finally, she wants her man to respect her body and not just touch her sexually whenever he feels like it.”

P. 24

Women still want a man that is intelligent, strong, bold, confident, calm, self-assured and masculine:

Possesses qualities such as assertiveness, confidence, energy, incisiveness, determination, strength of mind and body, stamina, nobility, self sacrifice and leadership. We can add to that devotion to family, caring, acceptance, commitment, honesty, reliability, respect and love for women, children & all living things, responsibility, and the ability to admit that he’s not perfect, and thus always remaining willing to work at being a better person.

From my article “When men refuse to be a real man”

In the TV interview I gave to CBS News, I point out that it is critical for men and women to list their values and priorities; women also make the mistake of thinking that they can have it all – full time career, husband, children and ‘me time.’ And unfortunately, women are shocked when they awaken to find out that one or more of those relationships is crumbling because there isn’t enough time and energy to give to everyone and everything. Watch the video here.

For men, here are some additional resources:

“Why women cheat”.
“The biggest mistake men make”.

For women, read my article: “You can’t have it all”.

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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist

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