When Your Partner isn’t the Person You Fell in Love With

In this Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about what happens when we realize our partner is not that person we first fell in love with.

For my regular readers please remember to forward this to everyone you think might benefit from it.

First a quick update:

You can now listen to the interview I gave to the ladies of XM radio’s Broadminded show about celebrities and others who sabotage and destroy their lives & success because of their deep beliefs about a lack of self-worth: Michael Vick & The O.J Effect Listen here

I will be taping the Montel show September 12 in NY on the topic of angry men. I will alert you of the broadcast date soon

You can now listen to  “The Secret to Get What You Want” phone seminar at https://patrickwanis.com/blog/getwhatyouwantseminar

I am presenting a phone seminar for Peak Potentials Training Tuesday September 25 on “The Secret to Get What You Truly Deserve” More details in the upcoming weeks.

Now let’s talk about relationships and what happens when we realize our partner is not that person we first fell in love with.

The following is an excerpt from my book “How to Find Happiness” © 2003 where I sit down to answer questions posed to me by Angela Badolato.

 “-I understand that we are responsible for our own happiness.  So, in what ways do relationships bring us to greater happiness?

Relationships give us the opportunity to experience greater happiness by sharing all of our positive emotions with another human being. When we share positive emotions; such as joy, inspiration, excitement, enthusiasm, beauty, dreams and aspirations, the emotions become more intense and more powerful. Another human being can also encourage and inspire us to express more of these positive emotions.

At the same time, our choice and ability to share our deepest fears with another human being gives us the opportunity to weaken and overcome those fears. We can also experience intense joy and satisfaction by watching and helping our partner to grow as we grow. One of the ultimate expressions of love is to want the best for the other person and to help the other person to realize his or her potential. Therefore, we can also revel in our partner’s joy of life. To give support to our partner at a time when it’s most needed also satisfies our desire to give and reinforces that we are valuable.

-You mentioned earlier that some of us are shocked when our partner reveals his or her true self and that person is not that person we first fell in love with.  Why does that happen?

It’s all about you and it’s not about you.

-What do you mean by that?

We have attracted this person for a reason and this person is attracted to us for a reason: we are mirror images of each other. My clients often get angry of confused when I first say this. They reply with, “Hold on. I’m not mean or selfish…I’m not lazy or irresponsible.”

Let me explain it this way. There is a powerful analogy. If you take an orange and throw it against the wall or you smash it with a hammer or you jump on it or you pound it, what will you get every time?

-Orange Juice.

Why is that?

-That’s what’s in the orange.

And that is why the only thing you’ll get from the orange is orange juice. You won’t get apple juice. You won’t get pineapple juice. You won’t get cranberry juice. You’ll only get orange juice. Therefore, when someone pushes your buttons and emotionally throws you against the wall, jumps on you or hits you with a hammer, whatever you feel and express is what is already inside you. The other person did not put anything new inside you.

So when someone pushes your buttons because he or she is selfish, that means you have an issue within you that you’re trying to heal about being selfish. In other words, you too are selfish. Or that person would not be able to push your buttons. Have you ever stopped and wondered why some people push your buttons and others don’t push your buttons?

Therefore, the initial reaction of almost all of my clients is denial or anger. By the end of the initial session (following further discussion and exploration) my clients laugh, are shocked, even startled when they realize it is true that the things they hate in their partners is what they also hate about themselves.

-What about alcoholism or someone who is dependent on drugs?

Although you may not be an alcoholic or have a dependency on drugs, the cause behind these symptoms is what you two most likely share. This may include self-hatred, self-loathing, wanting to escape yourself & your pain or just low self-esteem. So the person who you thought you didn’t know has the same underlying issues as you.

-Is that why some women always attracted to the same type of man?

Yes. It’s called a pattern and it affects both men and women. Some women have been married three times and all three men were alcoholics. For example a friend of mine in

Australia had three boyfriends in succession that turned out to be gay. By the third one she realized there was something wrong. She thought she was making them gay, but she didn’t make them gay. In the same way you don’t make a person an alcoholic, she didn’t make them gay. What I helped her to realize was that she was being attracted to them subconsciously because they were emotionally unavailable and this reflected her fear of emotional intimacy and rejection.

“You will know that you are healed and free of those issues when you are no longer attracted to the same type of person”.

Remember to check out my Blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes.  If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist

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