In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about “Who is to blame – you or your parents?”
First a quick update:
Listen to me on Sally Jessy Raphael’s syndicated radio show Tuesday October 23 speaking about “The Psychology of Anger”
For the international traveler, VIVA – Dubai’s glossy women’s magazine will be featuring me in the November issue writing about how to keep the romance alive
Look out for my article, “Why Do Women Crave Romance?” You will be shocked by the answers! Details next week.
Beginning at the end of this month, I will be writing success articles for Date.com and Matchmaker.com’s weekly newsletter
This week I will be living with a family in Michigan for 5 days to coach everyone in the family and tape it for the Montel TV show
Now let’s talk about “Who is to blame – you or your parents?”
I have found through my work with clients, research, studies and experience that the key foundation to all success and happiness is what you feel & believe about yourself & the world around you.
Those feelings and beliefs are formed in your childhood, the first eight years. They are formed based on what you saw, heard and experienced. Children model their parents behavior and actions, they absorb what their parents repeatedly tell them and are also impacted by what they (the children) experience –how they are treated as children by their parents and others around them. Based on these three learning methods children will make conclusions about themselves, their identity, self-worth and the world around them. These are subconscious beliefs that eventually mold and determine their subsequent life experiences as adults. These beliefs become cemented and remain in a permanent state until the person makes a conscious decision to change those beliefs. Will power alone does not change our subconscious beliefs.
Let me give you an example: Katherine was physically abused by her step father -he would often pull her pants down and hit her. Katherine’s mother was mean and harsh. She rarely hugged Katherine nor showed her affection and never told her, “I love you!” Katherine’s mother was constantly criticizing Katherine and telling her she was an idiot. At the same time, Katherine’s parents struggled and fought over money and always deprived Katherine of money and gifts. Subconsciously, Katherine felt and believed she was an idiot, worthless, ashamed, rejected, unlovable and deserving of abuse and punishment. Most children who were abused in any form will subconsciously conclude that there must be something wrong with them, something that warranted the punishment and abuse, and they will believe that this is the way of the world -it is mean, harsh and abusive.
Accordingly, Katherine grew up to be a talented and beautiful singer but full of self-doubt, insecurity and anger. She could never make long-lasting connections with people. She turned to men and women for physical love and affection. And no matter what relationship she entered, the result was always the same: She never felt good enough and she was constantly criticized and abused by her partner. Katherine would earn large amounts of money quickly only to lose it somehow. Katherine was always struggling financially. Eventually, Katherine gave up on her singing because she just didn’t believe in her talents and couldn’t tolerate any criticism of her performances – by anyone. Katherine turned to drugs which further destroyed her life. Katherine was angry at her parents and the world. She blamed them for her unhappiness. She refused to forgive them. She said they should have done better than they did.
Is Katherine right? Is she justified?
When Katherine was a child she was helpless, a victim. Yes, her parents were wrong to treat her the way they did. Now that Katherine is an adult, it is up to her to forgive her parents in order to set herself free from the pain, anguish and anger.
It is also critical to understand that no parent can ever be perfect. A child has so many needs – food, water, shelter, love, physical love, attention, acceptance, approval, recognition, support, encouragement, praise, free self-expression, etc. Thus, no matter what the parent does, the child will almost always make a conclusion that something was missing. Sometimes, it can be a simple but as painful as “my younger sister got more attention than I did.”
Forgiveness, acceptance, compassion and understanding for why your parents acted this way as well as subconsciously awakening to the fact that it had nothing to do with you (it was not your fault) are the keys to happiness, love, freedom and success in life. I will expand on this point in my next Success Newsletter: Our subconscious expectations of our parents.
Again, I promote and teach that forgiveness, acceptance, compassion and understanding are the keys to happiness. Learn more by reading my book: “Finding God – Spiritual strategies to help you find happiness, fulfillment and inner peace”.
Remember to check out my Blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.
I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.