“You can’t have a stellar career, travel the world, have a happy family, a social life and a great body” says one human behavior expert!
“You can’t be a CEO of two companies; women need to be a mother first and a career woman second” says Patrick Wanis.
Movie star and wife of Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith told a Harvard audience, “Women, you can have it all—a loving man, devoted husband, loving children, a fabulous career …You can do whatever it is you want.” Is that true in the real world? If you are not a rich movie star, can you have it all? At what cost? Are women being selfish or even realistic by wanting it all?
“Women CANNOT have it all”, says Patrick Wanis, Celebrity Life-Coach, Human Behavior and Relationship Expert. Wanis has authored various books on love, happiness and relationships. “Women suffer, their husbands and children suffer and women end up frustrated, alone and unfulfilled.” Wanis also states, “based on research and contrary to popular belief, quantity time is more important for children than quality time.”
Hollywood actress Kim Cattrall concedes: “I’ve learned that women can’t have it all …most of us women spend 20 to 30 years on a diet.” And for what?
- Do mothers need to be home for their children?
- Is raising children only the responsibility of women?
- What do single mothers need to do?
- Who are the casualties when women work full time?
Summary of potential points:
- Contrary to popular belief, research has shown to raise healthy happy well-adjusted children, quantity time is more important than quality time (humans bond through time spent together first, and the emotional quality of activities performed second. If in doubt, ask yourself why we get married or live together. If quality time is more important than quantity time, then why don’t we just see each other a couple of times a week or only weekends? Now understand how much more love, attention, and nurturing a helpless child needs.
- The most important and critical developmental stage of a child is the first 3-5 years. Infants at this stage need the love, attention and nurturing of their mother even more so than their father
- Children have a unique bond to their mother because they are born from the mother, they breastfeed from her. As they grow they test the safety of the world by taking a few steps away from the mother and looking back to see that she is still there. As the child becomes more confident, it ventures further from her, then a few minutes later runs back in the room to check that she is still there.
- Most adult issues are the result of a lack of love, attention, recognition from parents during childhood
- Childhood abandonment is a major cause of emotional illnesses and the inability to have healthy relationships. Abandonment for children is the lack of presence of parents (“my parents were never there, my mom and dad always worked.”
- For some males, fear of intimacy comes from never having experienced intimacy with the mother. Fear of commitment for males often stems from childhood abandonment by the mother.
- People never complain in therapy that their parents did not send them to college; they complain that their parents were never there
- Many people think expressing love to a child is done via material gifts and sending them to college. To children love is physical attention & affection, nurturing, emotional encouragement, laughter, acceptance, recognition, praise and activities performed together and simply being around the parent.
- No one can be a CEO of two companies. Motherhood is similar to being a CEO. Do you want your child raised by a stranger who in turn, will teach your child her beliefs about the world and how life is to be lived?
- When a woman chooses to simultaneously have a career, raise children, run a home and be married or in a live-in relationship, someone will suffer. The children and the husband each need attention. Each relationship is a job (mother to child, wife to husband, woman to career.) You cannot do all of them simultaneously and successfully. The more time and energy parents devote to their jobs, the less time and energy there is to devote to each other and the children.
- Many people argue that both parents have to work to pay the bills; response: lower your overheads and simplify your life. Being a parent is a sacrifice. When you become a parent, it is no longer about you. We live in a world where we are obsessed with instant gratification, in the “me, me, me” era. Too many of us are not happy with what we have. We can never have enough material possessions to satisfy us or our inner emptiness. “Honey, we need a bigger house, let’s buy a Hummer…we need a widescreen TV.” How many of us sit down and say, “honey, we need to give more love, attention and time to the children”?
- Closing point: can any amount of money or company bonus replace the priceless joy of spending time with your child and sharing love and laughter with your child? What will you remember at the end of your life: work achievements or the memories of time spent with the people you loved?
UPDATE: Read the article by Patrick Wanis to women: “You can’t have it all”: https://patrickwanis.com/blog/you-cant-have-it-all/
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.