In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the void yet possibility that this crisis of Covid-19 presents us.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, or pining over your ex? How would you like to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my free breakup test and get your own personalized report.
“Batman and Superman are not coming to save the world. It will be up to you.”
In his commencement address to MIT’s class of 2020, Admiral William H. McRaven, reveals that for you to become the hero we all need today, you must nurture and develop 6 traits. Watch the video
Now, let’s talk about the awfully uncomfortable place of emptiness we are experiencing and the ways to create and find yourself.
How are you dealing with life’s changes, with the current changes, uncertainty and confusion?
“Life is flux…Everything changes and nothing stands still”, wrote Heraclitus, the Greek philosopher around 500 BC.
Life is full of changes, and we tend to resist change – even when we ask for it. Sometimes, we falsely believe that we know the changes, can control or predict them and, we expect safety.
But actually, how many changes and transitions can you truly control?
Can you control falling in love, illness, the pandemic, the loss of a job or above all your shifting sense of self and identity?
You can’t control those things; you can only control the way you respond and adapt to them. And now, here we all are in this awfully uncomfortable place of emptiness, “The Fertile Void.”
As things change, so too, must you change!
What is a Fertile Void?
A term coined by Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls, “The Fertile Void” is a space or phase when you can’t make sense of what is happening, you cannot attribute real meaning to it; you are unsure about who you are, where you are, where you’re heading and what life is about, and so it feels empty, completely empty. And yet, within that same space of “not-knowing” there is also possibility.
It is referred to as “fertile’ because within the emptiness, you hold the opportunity to practice the art of being, to till the richness of the land of your mind and consciousness, to process the changes and to find new meaning and a new identity and purpose. The Fertile Void is your opportunity to create new hopeful beginnings.
“Times of crisis, of disruption or constructive change, are not only predictable, but desirable. They mean growth. Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Fertile Void is different from an emotional void.
Tips on finding and creating yourself in The Fertile Void:
* Accept you cannot block the change
* Accept that this change is occurring at a faster rate than we all have ever been accustomed
* Embrace the change; tap into your own resources of courage, hope, optimism, resiliency (your ability to bounce back) and self-efficacy (your belief in your own abilities) Watch my video on your Psychological Capital
* Build hope by setting new goals with determination to see them through (even if you can only set short term goals at this stage)
* Feel the pain; don’t wallow in it
* Write down and describe all of the emotions you are experiencing and all of the thoughts you are having
* Establish your own (and new) guidelines for living
* Find a good listener
* Be honest with yourself and others about your challenges, difficulties, and perceived failures in life
* Audit your entire life now; embrace the uncomfortable truths
* Be a good listener for others
* Listen to yourself
* Notice that we naturally seek sameness and routine (as a form of safety and security) and we resist change – even times when we initiate it or deem it to be positive
* Trust in the ebb and flow of your own feelings
* Remind yourself that you are resilient – you have the endurance to stay with the discomfort; again, don’t wallow in it.
* Seek new meaning; what is important to you now?
* Keep asking yourself “Who am I? What matters? Who matters to me? What are my core values?”
* Beware of emotional contagion (Doomscrolling) – reading negative news that only serves to distract you from the challenge of establishing a new identity and instead generates more fear and doom, and creates a negative bias within you
* Engage in deep breathing and set aside time to meditate or calm your mind and to allow new thoughts and possibilities to arise
* Remember, there will be pain, there will be loss; there is! Not all change is for the better (such as the death of a child), but you can choose how you will respond, whom you will become, and how you will grow.
* Embrace the principle “This, too, shall pass” which refers to both good and bad and reminds you that life is constantly changing.
Finally, everything that changes, changes one thing about you – your identity. Thus, find, create and reinvent yourself in alignment with your values!
If you need help to overcome fear, anxiety, trauma or the past, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.