Dating After 50 – The Harsh Truth

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to like to reveal the harsh truth of dating after 50, and how to find love again.

First a quick update: 

The Breakup Quiz

Are you heartbroken, angry, lost, lonely, confused, depressed, or pining over your ex? How would you like to benefit from personalized advice, action steps and revelations? Take my Free Breakup Quiz and get your own personalized report.

Are Your Friends Parasites? Do They Just Take & Feed Off You?

There are only two types of relationships: parasitic (one person living and feeding off the other person) and symbiotic (the two people mutually supporting and benefitting each other.) Watch my video

Now, let’s talk about the harsh truth of dating after 50, and how to find love again.

If you haven’t dated in a while and/or if you are recently divorced and you are now interested in dating after 50, then read on to find the help to reduce the failures, disappointments, awkward conversations, and feelings of rejection and hopelessness.

The Obstacles To Dating After 50

You are set in your ways and values

You lack confidence

You haven’t practiced

You are disconnected from the dating scene

You are overly judgmental of yourself

You are comparing yourself with others

You are disturbed by and/or afraid of your own baggage

You are emotionally drained

The dating scene rules, etiquette and technology have changed dramatically

You are afraid of being scammed

You don’t trust yourself

You have health concerns

You are reacting to loneliness

You fail to recognize that almost everyone else is like you and has some baggage, disappointment, pain, or loss.

Mistakes And Traps To Dating After 50

If you are a woman, beware of still fooling yourself into thinking you can change the next man or help him to realize his full potential.

Beware of bonding with others via your emotional baggage or pain. Beware of trying to rescue him/her, otherwise, he/she will view you as their therapist, not as a potential partner.

Beware of pressuring yourself to find someone quickly, particularly if you have recently divorced.

Beware of allowing loneliness and fear to control you along with the belief you must get married again after 50.

Beware of being either desperate or overly focused or consumed with dating/finding a partner when in fact, you don’t have a rich, full, and meaningful life of your own.

Beware of dating/sleeping with your ex or fooling yourself into thinking it can work out again. Returning to your ex to ease the loneliness will reinforce your attachment to your ex, and it won’t help you find a new partner.

The Tips – Finding Yourself Again Before Dating After 50

Again, read my article, 12 Tips For Dating After Divorce.

Who are you now that you are single: What do you want from life; what type of life and relationship do you wish to create now?

What have you learned from your past relationships or divorce?

What is your greatest fear? Deal with that now!

What are your deal breakers? What can you not accept in your partner; what qualities, characteristics or behaviors are unacceptable to you?

What are your prioritized qualities or characteristics? What must you have?

Action Steps To Dating After 50

Take care of yourself and rebuild yourself – mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  

Exercise regularly, eat well

Choose new healthy friends who want the best for you and who support and encourage you

Be more flexible than before

Be adventurous and more spontaneous. Be open to new experiences.

Instead of viewing dating after 50 as stressful and threatening, shift your perception to make it an adventure. You are simply meeting people and you don’t have to be a match for everyone or vice versa.

Don’t create pain and suffering for yourself by choosing to attach yourself to an outcome or to an unrealistic expectation such as, “Everyone I meet must like me” or the painful expectation that everyone to whom you contact on online dating apps will respond; they won’t!

Women, if he doesn’t call you back, you can check in with one more text message, and then let if go. If he is interested or if the timing is right for him, he will pursue you.

Start practicing using these words, and have the courage to say them: “I regret to say there’s no chemistry for me…I don’t’ see a match here.”

Say, no quickly when there isn’t a match or when you recognize he/she is wrong for you.

Stop comparing everyone to your ex; everyone is different. Give them a chance to be themselves.

Approach every date and potential relationship with openness and curiosity; you will enjoy it more that way.

Keep condoms handy; women express fear of sexually transmitted diseases.

Take note that surveys reveal that the biggest dating deal breakers for singles over 50 are smoking, financial insecurity, and refusing to take the pandemic seriously.

Be honest and upfront about what you want from your date.

Be honest with your profile, photos, and information. Being fake or deceitful will only harm you and create resentment by others towards you.

Establish your boundaries and respect the other person’s boundaries.

If you are not feeling good about yourself, do not start dating, otherwise you will end up being attracted to unhealthy people.

Think of yourself as a sexual being once again. Most people who divorced complain of years of no sex, and state they lost interest in sex as a result.

Expect to be ‘ghosted.’ Yes, whether or not you like it, there will be dates who will simply vanish – disappear like a ghost without explaining why, even if you felt you both had a great date or two. Others might ‘orbit’ you – still follow you on social media, or ‘deeplike’ you, clicking Like on your posts. You don’t have to react nor try to understand them; ignore them.

Be prepared to give up some things in order to make room for someone and something new; don’t give up your values.

Sexual Market Value And Dating After 50

“Your Sexual Market Value is what you are worth to the opposite sex as a long term mate, relative to the other members of your sex.” – Chris Capetown, “Sexual Market Value: The Cynical truth about what it is how you get it and how to stop yourself from throwing yours away.”

A man’s Sexual Market Value is determined by money/resources, power, social status, social dominance, looks, age, personality, sense of humor, and usefulness.

A woman’s Sexual Market Value is determined by youth, looks and fertility. Other determining factors of a woman’s SMV, particularly with regards to relationships in descending order are age, looks, personality, faithfulness & social status.

It is argued that a man’s SMV peaks at age 38 and declines steeply from age 50 but continues into his 70s, while a woman’s SMV peaks at age 23, and declines steeply at age 30 and continues at a very low level into her 50s.

Please note that as harsh as the concept of SMV is, it does not in any way determine, measure, or reflect your worthiness or lovability or right to happiness.

The Harsh Truth For Men Dating After 50

Women live longer than men, are generally healthier than men, and they don’t want to date a sick man whom they will have to take care of. Therefore, take care of your health and physical strength. Women will expect you to be financially secure, a good conversationalist who is also seeking substance over glamor & looks, honest, and with a meaningful life of his own. Women often state that younger men are open emotionally, adventurous, funny, and less self-centered. Therefore, beware of being close-minded, hypercritical, cynical, bitter or a misogynist. Women over 50 still want romance, honesty, confidence, charisma, emotional intimacy, and want to feel safe, heard and understood.

The Harsh Truth For Women Dating After 50

Women live longer than men. Therefore, men have more options for dating; they can also date younger women because younger women will date older men (for resources, power, and wisdom/experience.) Therefore, beware of being bitter, cynical, jaded or a misandrist. Men still seek in a woman kindness, understanding, intelligence, and independence. Men are also biologically programmed to seek beauty, variety, and fertility (reproductive health); the brain’s focus is survival and reproduction. Therefore, take care of your body and appearance; you don’t need to be perfect.

If you or a friend need help to overcome a divorce or resolve pain from love or failed relationships, do what others have done: Resolve it rapidly and be set free of the pain by experiencing my SRTT process. Book a one-on-one session with me.

You can add to the conversation below.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis Ph.D.

Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist