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Needy Love

Needy love

In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about needy love?

First a quick update:

Read my article “The Secret to Get What You Truly Deserve” at

Listen to the interview I gave on “From Fear to Success: Principles of Success” (Annie Jenning’s PR)

Listen to the interview I gave on “Communication Skills” to Jim Peake

Now let’s talk about needy love.

In my newest book, “Find Love Fast!”, I share two secrets that can change your life. Today I will share one of those two secrets with you and yes, it relates to needy love, desperate love. Here is an excerpt from my book, available from my website.

“One of my clients, Jill, came to me in desperation. After three years, Robert, her partner walked out on her. She was confused and deeply hurt. “I did nothing wrong. I loved him so much. I did everything he wanted. I gave everything to him. I cooked and cleaned for him. I know that no one will ever love Robert the way I did…” 

Why would someone walk out on his partner if she loved him so much? Why would someone walk out if that person did everything he wanted?  

Ironically, the mistake Jill made was that she did everything he wanted! 

You might ask, “What is wrong with that?” 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to make the other person happy. There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for the other person and wanting to please him or her. The problem arises when one does everything the other person wants and is thus no longer true to oneself.  

Each and every one of us is unique and has his or her own desires, goals and dreams. If we do everything that the other person wants then there must be many times that we are not doing what we want. Instead of our relationship becoming a partnership, it becomes a relationship where one person lives only to serve the other. Many people talk about a dream of having someone serve them but when it actually happens in a romantic relationship or partnership, they lose respect for the other person.  

Robert walked out on Jill, because she had already walked out on herself. Robert couldn’t love Jill, because Jill didn’t love herself.  

Here then is Secret Number 1:  

If you don’t love yourself, then the love you give is needy love, given in an attempt to fill an inner emptiness. 

Robert felt Jill’s neediness. He felt her desperation. He sensed her desperate desire to do anything he wanted just to get him to love her. Ultimately, Robert lost respect for Jill and simply reflected to her what she believed about herself – she didn’t deserve to be loved. 

We value that which is special and precious. When someone will do anything to win our love, then we no longer perceive that person as valuable or precious. We fall in love with and want to be with someone who knows what they want, is clear about what they want, believes that he or she is special and, follows and maintains their standards & principles. How could Robert believe that Jill is special when Jill didn’t believe she is special?  

We want someone who loves us for who we are and wants to express their love to us without expecting something in return. We want someone who will express love to us because they love us and not because they are doing it desperately hoping that we will love them back or so that we can convince or prove to them that they are special and worthy. 

Robert surely sensed that Jill was only expressing love to him and doing whatever he wanted so that he would love her back. When we behave that way, we are not expressing love. We are trying to make an exchange: “I’ll give to you if you give to me. I’ll love you if you love me. Ill forgive you if you forgive me.”   

When you will do anything to get someone to love you, you are asking them to convince you that you are lovable and no one can convince you of that – except you. Another person might help to inspire you to see the beauty in you but no one can convince you that you are special and beautiful unless you choose to do so. Later, in this book, I will share techniques with you to help you to see the beauty in you!” 

Read my book, “Find Love Fast!”.

Remember to check out my blog on my website to read my past Success Newsletters, post your comments and take a few exciting quizzes. If you have received this newsletter as a forward and would like to receive all of my newsletters please enter your email address on the home page.

I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”

Patrick Wanis
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist 

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