In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to reveal the 10 factors that change people and relationships, and 3 ways to prepare and deal with the change.
First a quick update:
The Breakup Test
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Would You Date Yourself?
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Have you heard this or said it yourself: “We broke up because we changed…We wanted different things in life”?
People do change; people evolve or even devolve; people’s values change.
And it is the change that either strengthens the relationship or tears it apart.
The lack of change can create the same result: “We broke up because he wouldn’t change”
Yes, that also occurs; women often expect the man to change, to evolve.
Perhaps the man is the same person he was from the beginning, and now his partner or spouse has changed, and she doesn’t want him to be the same as he was years ago; she expects him to evolve. Or perhaps, he has changed, and she doesn’t like the change, and now she demands that he change or be another way.
The point is that when you enter into a relationship, you must expect, be prepared and know how to handle the change, otherwise the relationship will fall apart.
10 Factors that create change
The person you begin the relationship with today is not going to be the same person in 5 or 10 years.
Life demands change. It demands flexibility and the capacity to ably respond to the challenges. As life happens, your values, beliefs and goals are tested; and they change or evolve. As life happens, your partner’s values, beliefs and goals are also tested.
Are you the same person you were 5 years ago? Are you the same person you were prior to the Covid-19 Pandemic?
You cannot predict the changes that will come; you can, though, be aware of these 10 factors that greatly impact relationships, sometimes ending relationships.
As you age, you will be physically weaker or have less energy and drive, therefore you might no longer be interested in or able to do some of the things you used to do or loved doing. Physiological and hormonal changes will also impact mood and behavior.
When you have children, your available free time will diminish; your time for each other will lessen; you will be tired or tied up. Raising children will also trigger your own unresolved issues.
The financial challenge of raising children will also impact the relationship, and it will affect your priorities and freedom. Depending on the age of your children, there will be fewer opportunities to be as romantic as you were prior to having children. You will also both be challenged to agree on the way to raise your children.
3. Work & Career
Your work might require you to move town, city, state or even country. Your work might require you to work night shifts, late nights or early mornings. You might lose your job or you might lose on an investment and the loss will cause a chain reaction according to its severity. Today, many couples are working from home in ‘forced togetherness.’
An illness in your immediate family or the need to take care of elderly parents will also change you – at least in terms of time, responsibilities, and priorities.
“The person you begin the relationship with today is not going to be the same person in 5 or 10 years.“
5. Death and Loss
A death in the family can rip the marriage apart or make it stronger. The death of a child particularly due to an accident or a crime can bring about guilt, blame or even survivor’s guilt.
An accident can impact finances, health and mobility.
When you enter a relationship, you are both hopefully clear about your religious beliefs – they are part of your values. However, your partner might change his or her beliefs – either moving towards or away from religion. In some instances, a partner changes religion and this, too, tests the relationship.
2020 saw extraordinary upheavals across the world, and many people changed their political alliances, ideologies, and beliefs.
9. Psychological Issues
Relationships trigger unresolved issues – insecurities, self-doubt, anxieties, feelings of lack of worthiness or unlovability, fears of abandonment or rejection, anger and so forth. These issues will change you and impact the relationship. The same applies to your partner.
10. Sexual Orientation & Gender Identification
You or your partner might awaken to declare that you have different sexual orientation or that you never identified with your gender. Albeit surprising, married couples have stayed together even after one of them chose to undergo surgery for gender reassignment.
3 Ways To Deal With and Minimize The Impact of Change
You cannot predict the change that will occur to you or your partner over the coming years; you cannot prevent the change. You can simply try to minimize the impact of change three ways:
1. Identify The Truth: Discuss everything before you commit or marry; have the tough, uncomfortable conversations about the sensitive topics. Remove the sensitivity or fear of topics by facing them and opening talking about them and the way you feel. Establish common and shared values. Be honest and fully open. If you have doubts, speak about them now!
2. Communicate During Your Relationship: Don’t ignore the gut feelings, the red flags, the fears, the hunches or your own uncomfortable thoughts or feelings about yourself or what is happening in the relationship. Talk to each other. Be willing to debate and argue the important things. Express emotional intimacy.
3. Master conflict: Practice and develop your skills in conflict resolution. There will be conflict; you need the conflict to learn about each other, and you need to be able to deal well with it. You need to accept that there will not be consensus, but your focus will be to allow the other person to be fully heard, understood, and validated. That means you will not always agree but you will not attack each other. Instead, you will debate and argue the topic passionately and ensure you listen and seek to understand your partner.
If you would like help professional help to deal with changes within your relationship or to heal the past and resolve your issues, book a one-on-one session with me.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & SRTT Therapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.