In this Success Newsletter, I would like to talk about the extraordinary power of praise.
Mary Kay Ash who founded Mary Kay Cosmetics, the cosmetics empire that helped to empower and inspire millions of women, said “There are two things people want more than sex and money… recognition and praise.” And from a Behavioral Expert’s point of view she is right. While we have some basic needs for survival, we also have highly critical emotional needs such as validation, significance, reassurance and approval, sense of belonging, acceptance and love. In other words, we all need to be needed and want to feel important, loved and accepted.
And those needs exist in every relationship we have – business, personal and romantic.
A boss who condemns and criticizes his/her team will create a group of fearful and obedient employees who will do as their told only because they need their job and once able to leave they will do so immediately. On the other hand, a boss – a leader, who praises, encourages and openly recognizes the value of his/her team will create a group of happy, inspired, motivated and loyal employees who will also be highly productive.
Some men in relationships falsely believe that their power comes from verbally and emotionally slamming people. Thus, we hear of the man who tries to control his girlfriend by criticizing and putting her down. The result is she shuts down emotionally and remains in the relationship only out of fear. But why does the man act this way? He is insecure and fears that she will leave him or he may be taking out his deep seated anger on her. The paradox is that if you want to feel powerful in the relationship – loved, secure and significant, then you need to praise, compliment and recognize the talent and value of your partner.
Think about the types of people who draw you and with whom you love to hang out with. Of course, it is those people who make you feel good – special, wanted, appreciated and loved. Yes, the magnets are the people who praise and recognize your value.
Now there are some people who will misunderstand what I am writing and will respond by saying, “See, my partner doesn’t praise me and he or she/should.” Of course, they should but don’t wait for them to do it. You can begin now. You do it first. You can be the first to start the process of praise and appreciation. As much as you want and need the praise and appreciation, so do they! Look for small things that you can praise about the people around you. And there are many ways to do it – a quick one sentence email, a short note, a simple verbal compliment. Remember, always do it with sincerity. If you find it hard to praise and show appreciation to others, then I can guarantee that you find it hard to praise yourself as well. In other words, you probably don’t also appreciate or value yourself. The more good you can see in you, the more good you will see in others.
Also, whenever possible, praise and compliment people in front of others and praise their qualities. Why? It sends the message that you are sincerely proud and grateful for that person, and by recognizing one’s qualities, you are encouraging them to demonstrate more of those qualities. For example, you might say, “I really appreciated what you just did. That was so kind and thoughtful of you!”
This action is particularly important for managers and leaders because it uplifts the team, changes the energy of the team and inspires others to do the same. It is also highly powerful and impacting to receive praise and recognition in front of your peers or friends. Imagine the glow you feel when someone who is important to you openly appreciates you, your value, work, and talents. You can do the same to others whenever you want, and I promise you will feel even better when you do this for it is truly rewarding to see the joy and elation on the other person’s face.
For the men that believe they need to make their partner feel like a tiny ant so that she doesn’t leave, become aware that the truth is the opposite. When a woman truly feels special, loved, valued and appreciated by her man, she will want to be with him more often, she will feel secure with him, she will be more excited to be around him and will, in turn, want to make him, too, feel special.
In the words of Mary Kay Ash, “Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, ‘Make me feel important.’ Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life.”
For the ladies, if you want to raise your self-esteem, feel empowered, find love, and snag the man of your dreams, check out my transformational audio book, “Get the man you want.”
Remember to check out my blog and I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.