In this week’s Success Newsletter, I would like to share controversial but revealing insights into what is love.
First a quick update:
“Why do men cheat?”
What pushes, inspires, encourages or leads a man to cheat? Is it lust, power, boredom, escape or something missing in the relationship? Is a handsome man more likely to cheat than a man who has power, influence and money? Why would someone married to a successful, beautiful woman choose to cheat on her such as Shania Twain’s famous music producer husband, John “Mutt Lange” did? Listen to the interview I gave to famous radio personalities Eddie and Tracy of 700 WLW Ohio, sharing my insights into male behavior, the male ego, and the human brain and its five core emotions that can lead to cheating. I also reveal how women can also fall prey to the power and drive of the reptilian part of the human brain.
Now let’s talk about love and what it is. The following is an excerpt from my book: “How to get over it – breakups, betrayals and rejection”:
“Defining romantic love Over the centuries, many people have tried to answer the question “What is love?” through songs, poetry, books and movies. In Shakespeare’s plays, people died and even killed for love. Today, some people have created their own definitions of love: “Love is unconditional”, “love is eternal”, “love knows no boundaries”, “love conquers all”, etc. Many people also distinguish between loving someone and being in love. Some people go as far as to say, ‘’ I love you, but I don’t like you.’’
There are two different kinds of love: unconditional love (when we truly care and want the best for the other person) and romantic love (when we focus on how the other person makes us feel.) Unconditional love can be summed up as “I love you and you don’t have to love me back” and romantic love can be summed up as “What can you do for me?”
When we talk about love, we are generally speaking about what we are feeling inside. When we are in love, the world looks wonderful and we feel on cloud nine. We feel ecstatic, we love life and we are full of joy. We feel intense deep affection and kindness for the world and everyone around us. We feel centered, alive and special.
From where do those feelings of intense happiness, joy and ecstasy come?
They already exist within us.
Love is not something that is created externally by someone else. Pain and heartache occur when we believe that love and happiness exist outside of us or are created by something or someone outside of us. We become helpless and powerless when we believe that our love and happiness will only occur when the right person comes into our life. Have you ever said or heard someone say: “When I find this girl or guy who looks like this, talks like this, walks like this, then I am going to fall in love and be happy”?
It is completely false and unsupportive to believe that there is something, someone or circumstances outside of us that will determine how we feel today. It is true that the external world can add to our happiness but it cannot create our happiness. We lose our power when we think that someone else is going to put love inside of us, someone is going to make us feel something.
One love? Is there only one love for us? Some people say they have been deeply in love multiple times. Have you ever wondered how it is possible that we can fall in and out of love more than once?
The state of intense emotional ecstasy exists within you. It is not created by anyone else. It is triggered by someone else when we allow it. We mislead ourselves when we think that there is a man or woman with a magic wand that will put that feeling of love in us. The feeling is already there in you, and the key here is that the right person is going to trigger it within you. Once he or she triggers that feeling or reaction in you and you associate that feeling of love with that person, then you say that you feel in love.
A higher love In the Eighties, singer Steve Winwood sang about “A higher love”, calling out “bring me a higher love.” And it is true that there are different levels of love in romantic relationships.
For example, in one of your relationships you might have felt the level of love you had for someone was a six out of a ten while with another relationship you felt that your level of love was a nine. There might even be someone in your mind that stands out as being the greatest love you ever experienced. Does that mean that you loved all of them or none of them?
Yes, you can love more than one person in your lifetime. The difference in the level of love you feel with someone is determined by how you felt about yourself at that point in your life, how much you trusted the other person, to what extent you allowed yourself to love and be loved and how the other person responded to you.”
–From my book: “How to get over it – breakups, betrayals and rejection”.
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I wish you the best and remind you “Believe in yourself -You deserve the best!”
Patrick Wanis Ph.D.
Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert & Clinical Hypnotherapist
Anointed “The Woman Expert” by WGN Chicago, Patrick Wanis PhD is a renowned Celebrity Life Coach, Human Behavior & Relationship Expert who developed SRTT therapy (Subconscious Rapid Transformation Technique) and is teaching it to other practitioners. Wanis’ clientele ranges from celebrities and CEOs to housewives and teenagers. CNN, BBC, FOX News, MSNBC & major news outlets worldwide consult Wanis for his expert insights and analysis on sexuality, human behavior and women’s issues. Wanis is the first person ever to do hypnotherapy on national TV – on the Montel Williams show.